And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize