I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
