Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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