When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He better not be in your backpack
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
