you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
