I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have post one night stand depression
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