Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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