paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
