Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this will be a night to untag.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
