Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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