i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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