Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
