Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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