What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
