shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
