k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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