I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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