Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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