YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
