someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
