About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
