3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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