I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
