I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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