1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
