i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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