Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
