last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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