Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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