The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
