what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
