Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
