apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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