I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
