when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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