You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
