I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
