i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
