are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
