if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
