franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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