haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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