Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
