I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
