At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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