SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
