It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
