I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
