Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
