...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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