I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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