Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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