I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ttyl tear gas
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
