yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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