Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
