There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?