i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.