it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
