I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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