It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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