Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
