for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize