I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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