I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
